nightmare

tired now......................didn't haf a goodnite's sleep yesterday at all. had a sad nightmare which happened quite in detail that i can remember it so clearly. i slept at 4am, not sure wat time tt nightmare started but after it ended i woke up frantically wif my heart pounding rapidly n i took a look at e clock. it was 745am. for e next 4 hours, i was dozing off n wakin up at a disturbing rate................perhaps a sign that e nightmare had greatly perturbed me. so i decided to wake up later so as to give myself more rest. generally, tt has been my sleeping pattern for e past week......................... wonder wat happen to those nites that i juz fall asleep n then wake up in e afternoon feeling so refreshed. =(

anyway, since dreams are a reflection of our subconsicous minds, i can roughly infer the type of thoughts that r bogging my mind down. =) its nice when u juz woke up from a nite which i didn't realli get much rest in and then alice greets me on msn once i signed in. tt's so sweet.

I guess its time now to look back and evaluate myself over the last few weeks. If i was given a choice to run back time, will i still have made e same choices over again? there is no doubt i would, cause i realli feel tt i've already got nothing to lose. =) or rather did i realli had nothing to lose at all? i pondered for a while n thought of e difference in me for e past few weeks...........................


i shuddered..................... i realised i've lost e joy n inner peace i always had within myself. n if i failed to pick myself up now, i'll stand to lose the confidence n the value of my character that i haf build up upon myself over e past few years..................how can i forsake myself when there r so many ppl behind me urging me on? These words make me feel stronger n i guess they'll mark the end of e deepest trough of my life so far. =)


"The shame is never in having failed --- the shame is only in not having tried."